


Letters That Castiel Will Never Read

by zaidnovi



Category: Supernatural, crowstiel - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, I Tried, Implied Castiel/Crowley (Supernatural), M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, My First Work in This Fandom, One-Sided Relationship, POV First Person, So much angst, Unrequited Love, crowstiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-03-15 12:39:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3447530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaidnovi/pseuds/zaidnovi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"A lure, there is something hidden in every sense. She seems suspect, seems to discover in me that love... That is like an ocean of fire...<br/>The remains of a bonfire. Oh my heart turns into a traitor... Betraying me..."- Soda Stereo</p>
<p>These are the thoughts of The King of Hell towards our dear Angel,  nine letters in total, I doubt there will be more.  The reason hides on letter nine, when you get to it you will know why.<br/>Is mostly a one sided relationship but is developing. They are mostly random and a bit scramble on time frame.  My most sincere apologies if this disappointed you, I did try my best.<br/>The WordSmith of Hell <br/>P.S. Come check my tumblr for deal making.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter 1

 

**Letters that Castiel will never read…**

 

* * *

 

 

_For the Angel,_

_The stars are barely coming out when you start walking; the moon peeks out behind a cloud shyly. I wait a bit and then follow like a faithful dog. Sometimes in the middle of this walks, I consider revealing myself, letting you know that am there trying to take care of you. But I know how that will go, even now as human you are still as unattainable as you were when an Angel. I see your struggles and I wish I could end them, put a roof over your head good enough so you will called home, I know my dream s are doomed a fish can be in love with a bird but were they live._

_You stop and distracted I do not, I find you staring and for a second I though you have seen me, impossible I am not there in a physical way, but all the same I caught the deep of the blue of your eyes staring trying to catch a sound on the end of the street. I find myself holding my breath._

_“Have you lost your way” and I want to say. “Would you like me to help you?” I know how that one would go you will probably try to stab me and then sent your hunter friends after me. We started everything wrong my dear, and I wish I could go back and fix things, I wish you will believe that I am only offering my help without an agenda. I wish you could love the way you love them. I wish I could probe you that I am worthy._

_You turn around and keep on walking, is been almost half an hour and I know my time is running short, you will turn and head for the bunker any second now, and I will have to content myself until tomorrow. it has become routine of mine following you I believe it helps maybe one day we can walk together not just me with you. I hear him waiting for you at the door, calling you Angel and moron for not wearing sweater and it only makes me want to kill him even more. What is it that you see on him, how can improve so you will see me. I watch you disappear inside and I stay there a bit longer as if you will come back outside…_


	2. Letter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV of the King concerning Castiel, is a one sided relationship up to now.

* * *

 

_**To the Angel,** _

_The King is back. Still feels hollow, all this charade of being human has grown me weak, I see thing from a weird perspective one that was not mine. My old self would stared and laugh at me at this point, pinning over the impossible. Days drag, and Hell, Hell is well… Hell. I found my mother and to put it lame words I think between you and me I won the award for dysfunctional family by a long run. She likes to pretend we are a family, why everyone does tries to lie to me, as if I am that stupid._

_You no longer walk, more like ride your pimp car until you get tired, have I tell you I love that car is everything you are not and in a way, that I can only see it resembles me. Last time we met, you were hurting, more like dying, and had to kill an Angel in order to save you and believe me when I say killing never felt that good. There you were lying on the floor, with shaking hands and afraid that I will soil your soul with my touch, I had to pick you up. Broke my heart to see the fear on your eyes broke my heart that you will only accept my help when I mention it was to save someone else. Why not you. Why for once can you save yourself? Your partner gives me a stare and smirks quirking an eyebrow, she is reading my thoughts, and I smirk back. The look she gives me next is repulsive and incredulous, she knows and I do not care. I can kill her right in front of you if it will give the satisfaction of being right, but it will only add more weight to this sinking ship on which I am the only one aboard._

_I watch you get in to your car and drive away, and I wish to run after you, make you stop. Tell you that they can screw themselves; they got themselves in to this mess they can surely make it out without you. That this is selfless and stupid, that you are hurting yourself that I want you to stop. That I want you to come with me… That I want you._

_I sit on my throne, listening to the quacking of my mother while nursing a migraine, I close my eyes and I find you driving. You did not stay. My hearth pounds in anticipation, you did not stay. Why does not make me happy. I watch you stare at the blackness of the road, I wish I could read your thought see if you are thinking of me of what I say to you. “I am not sentimental.” I wish you knew better than to believe me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was it bad? The King wants to know. Thanks


	3. Letter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV of the KIng, am not making money of this just trying to save my soul.

* * *

 

_**To The Angel,** _

_The rain is soft tapping against the windows; the bed seems too hot, and too cold at the same. All the sudden you are here, no call, no previous note. Just showed up at my door, rain on your head, and sadness on your eyes. I want to take all away. I do not ask questions I know is useless, you are here and that is what it counts. You fall in to my arms quietly, I can feel your hesitation, you still munching if this was a good idea, of course is not, an Angel, and are Demon are not meant to be._

_Munching time is over, I feel you pull me in to you nuzzle me on the neck, feels the prick of you r beard tickle my ears. The silence is heavy and is clutching my chest I want to ask, “What the hell are you doing, who gave you the right to make feel this way? How long would you stay? No that one I do not want to know, I will rather you kill me on my sleep than tell me that you are leaving. My jacket has been discarded and you hands are inside my shirt, running up and down my back. My lips crave yours like they crave water in hot day, I can take it anymore and give a sigh, you stare at me scared as if I have just insulted your father, and I want to laugh, your lips are on mine all the sudden, hard , biting sucking not letting space to breath._

_My bed crushes under us and now is to big and too small at the same time, and I would like to provide better, I would love to be far away bundle up with you on a better bed, one that has never been soil before, one that doesn’t know other body than yours. Bed creak and I hear you moan softly, your father’s name and now is just awkward, I repeat your name repeatedly as a prayer, I doubt I will be able to pronounce anything else._

_You fall asleep on my chest and it makes me wonder how you can trust me this much, to surrender yourself to sleep on top of me not caring what I might do. I heard the door creak, and open. Hades is back, whines happily and jumps in to bed with excitement at the sight of you, you are too sleepy to care, you r hand goes to his ears and praise him, for once I admit I am jealous. I am jealous of a hound; he gets more love than I do. He settles on a corner after nuzzling my uncover ankle. I feel your lashes in my chest, a little tug on my ribs, as you pull tighter, your breathing gets even you are dead to the world now, and I am here trying to find answers to all the questions running through my head. I know I am doomed, knew from the begging the first time your lips touch me, I knew I had a deal that would never be broken at least not by me._

_I woke hot, Hades is crushing one of my legs and the room is suddenly too stuffy, maybe I should open a window and let air in. The rain is gone, and your clothes are too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I am sorry if this one hurt. Care to tell me.


	4. Letter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV of the King, alright I believe it gets tricky from here on.

* * *

 

**_To the Angel,_ **

_I sit on the sand and watch you, I do not even care that I am ruining one of my favorite suit, that this custom made especially for me, that they ate the person who made it and I will not be able to get another one. I watch you; the soft sea breeze blows your hair and scrambles it even more. I watch you walk to the water much like a scene from City of Angels, I wonder if you would get the reference if I make it. Does God really talk through the sea and the morning sun? I know the water is freezing and all I want is too push you in, se if the cold water will break that façade in your face. I want to see if you can feel._

_One point you sit next to glare and me say something about being wrong, or that they lie to you. I knew the door was not here the moment we set foot on the beach, but I did not have the heart to tell you. I wanted to see you interact with the sea; I wanted to see you, plain and simple. I knew as soon you get your answers you would have flown away from me and back to whatever you do these days. I do not see you anymore, not as regular as in the beginning, you are always busy, and wearing that tired frown upon your face, you give sight and turn to me, the wind changes blowing your hair in the other direction._

_I start to get up, but you catch my arm, your lips brush softly in to mind, and I realize you are that tired and now you are hallucinating. This is not like the first one you gave me, all teeth and rage, this is you the Angel surrendering, you are giving up and at the same time taking everything from me. I wonder if it would be different, if there were somebody else instead of me here, no need to go there. I feel you move and I see you blink at me in confusion. I realize I was not moving, and now you are staring, I could get lost on those blues, I would make home on them if you would just let me. You are about to move and I will lose my opportunity. I grab you, so hard that it scares you; slam my lips against yours. I would love to be soft, I would love to be tender, but time is against me just like you. I feel you moan against my lips, a soft whisper of my name and my heart jumps just like a teen ager in love, and I want to tear you a part and keep all the pieces safe with me._

_Is time to go, you have gotten sand where there should never be sand, I smirk and you glare at me, yes I know you can kill me with the snap of your fingers, no I don’t care that you are mad because you got sand on you bum. I get up slowly and gather my clothes. I start to dress the old fashion way, and stand by. What are you waiting Angel; just fly away go back to you r mission. There is sand on my brow, at least that what I think you said, you glare at me, and I wish you would stop or so help me I will ravish you again. Time is catching up to us; you say something about leaving, and trapping you starts to sound like a good idea._

_“I guess this goodbye then.” – I mutter while tying up my tie._

_“Don’t like good buys, more like a see you later”-you smile and motion just like a true Winchester. Your lips touch my cheek and then you are gone, am left here smiling, now I understand why we were here. Now I can hear God talk through the sea, is such a sap._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I might be able to get my soul back, please tell me what you think.


	5. Letter 5

**The fall moon slightly chipped,**

**That’s so me so pleased save me and hold me thigh**

**Just make me alright**

**Under the dark clouds Wingless swans in my soul…**

_To The Angel,_

_I miss you tonight, no reason need it. I keep checking on my phone back and forward for a message. Nothing is coming no matter how many time refreshed or restarted. I miss that lopsided smile of yours, the one that doesn’t reach your eyes. I miss that forever frown upon your face. I even miss that hair of yours, I miss treading my hands through it, I miss the way you start humming when I do it. I miss the tone of your voice, how low can it go depending on the time of the day. I miss the sound of your footsteps around my room, the sound of your wings when you arrive._

_The night is cold and stuffy so Hades and I decide to go for a walk; maybe we will find you in the road, maybe when we come back you will be here. Is hard having to explain to a hound why you are not around, why you decided they were better. We walk and it is almost morning, lights starting to go on, noises are coming alive and we go back. Same story, same empty house. Nothing changes, not anymore. Hades drops to the floor defeated and he is waiting for you as much as me. Maybe we were just late just like all the good thighs happen, late when no one needs them anymore, when none can afford them anymore. Maybe one day I will wake up in another time frame, in another universe and you will be with me, maybe you are already with me but not this me another me. Maybe I am just going crazy like everyone fears._

_To wait is to sell your soul to a clock and every beat of the heart is a reminder of how long you have been waiting. Some people fear mirrors, I fear the sound of clocks, that ticking that mocks me every morning, that ticking that laughs at me and doesn’t let me sleep at night. I won’t sleep in my room again; maybe I should even burn my bed. I go to my studio, my close heavily against my will; I want to dream of you, that you are well, that you are happy, that you are here. I am going crazy; maybe I should stop while I can. I think this should be the last letter._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the Angst won this time


	6. Letter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I believe this could be the last one...

For the Angel:

I have taken to watch you sleep, it sounds creepy I know, but I still believe I will woke up and you will be gone. Our relation is weird I admit, separation is our constant, and sometimes I believe our only hope. Days grow longer and slower, night are short and most of the time are spend staring at walls, having conversations with shadows.  
When you are here, and the room seem brighter and somehow warmer. Please tell me you here to stay, is the constant silent question, and yet I would never ask it, is not my place. We talk trivial things, sometimes even the weather, your brothers, the Winchesters as your extended family, my demons; and it sounds so easy, so domestic as if no one else isn't disgusted by it.  
Most of the times we drown in each other without hesitation, I confess I tried to impregnate my skin with yours, I tried to melt my body in to yours, in order to prolonged this visits, I want to keep you with me even if this is the only way. Other times are quieter, you crawl in to my covers as if searching for refuge, and all I can do is hold you thigh, shivering when your whisper my name against my neck. You feel so small then and I forget that you are an Angel, a warrior of the lord, however that doesn't stop from trying to protect you like a small fallen bird.  
Your face becomes softer, all the lines of a hard day now erased, your breath is even against my skin, you are sleeping now besides all the arguments of never needed to sleep, I found this as a small victory against you, one of the few I gather with you noticing.  
Then, there are those times, the ones when were are not even in the room when were are too far away that hurts, when words seem so small because you are hurting and I am not allowed near you, when I plead you, order you to ask for help only to be turn down by your sense of duty. It kills me that I cannot be there, when you are hurting and is even when you are happy, it sounds arrogant and egocentric and I don't care, it hurts to know that you can be happy without me, that I still have to encourage you because I have made it my duty. I want you happy even if is not me who is making you. You tell me you can sleep that you will rather keep talking and my heart jumps with hope. Those are the nights I don't sleep waiting fro a call even when you have said good night already, I wait for the morning to come when you say will call in the morning. I am the King of Hell and thanks to you my phone is my precious treasure.


	7. Letter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You must know the following was found it on a trash can. I am unsure if the King knows about it, however due to the circumstances, I believe is more prudent of me to stay quiet.

Beloved,  
After giving it a lot of thought I have decided to put my feelings in word form, you must understand that this task has proven excessively difficult for me. More than one time I have started this only to erase and start all over. Feelings are complicated, the words seem so small and seem to lose meaning once in paper. At the beginning, I thought I would try with a poem, but they all seem a bit ridiculous and they did not cover all that wanted to say. Therefore, I gave up and decided to put my own words on this.  
You must understand that in the begging of our “relationship” my motives were, as I believe yours were too, different. It was no more than a business transaction. My upraising led me to degrade your kind, believing that we were better just for the fact of having an omnipotent father. My time with you has change me, it has open my mind in, I like to think so, better ways, it has made me more tolerant to others, more open minded towards ideas that I would have never consider in my time as a warrior Angel. You also must understand that this has made things even more difficult, I found myself not fitting anymore, I started this war and this arrangement with you for my brothers to give them a better future, but now I feel torn in two. I want to be with you all the time that am there and I feel wrong being with you and not being with them.  
I fear you will not understand, or even worst I fear you will and then ask me to make a choice. I hear your longing screaming at me even when you tried to hide it. I no longer believe this arrangement is working the way it was supposed to. I no longer I believe I can stand it anymore. I had fallen for you in a way that I no longer care if it right or wrong. I started to take walks and not even there I can escape you, I feel you around me as if you were following me but I know better and I believe you know too.  
I feel you move around and I know I should be taking my leave, but I cannot leave you just yet, sometimes in good days I make myself believe that we can actually do this, me in heaven you in hell, rule together and screw the others more like Balthazar likes to put, take a decision, live my life. I sit on the bed and watch you, your vessel does not require sleeping, and yet you look so peaceful, so comfortable. I want to stay; do you want me to stay? I do not want to go back and if I do, I want to take you with me. I want to find a place in the middle were we can be just us, no Angel or demon, no warrior or king, just you and me Crowley and Castiel. I want you to wake up and tell me not to go, I want you to wake up and make me stay.  
Your eyes open and I feel like I have been caught, you mutter something about me leaving and I wonder if you are still at sleep. I no longer want this, I cannot do it anymore, so I hide under the covers and hold you thigh while you turn and hug me. I want to wake up tomorrow with you. I want to be the first thing your eyes see. I do not care who wins anymore, for all I care I am surrounding to you. I gave you my soul long ago although for the wrong reasons, tomorrow I will tell you my new reasons the new agreement I hope you sign.   
Castiel


	8. Letter 8

For the Angel,

No one would love you.

He heaviness in the room stinks, it makes your lungs collapse at the solo thought of breathing the same air as them. The tension, the fucking tension is like shocking yourself with your own hair. So this is how are we gonna play it, you betrayed them with me, you betrayed me for power, and now you are with her, she is suddenly your Angel of death. Your entire trust is now on her, and it makes feel even more deceived that it was only the older Winchester, at least with him I knew what I was getting in to, but Meg really above all you chose the whore.

No one would love you.

Even Dean has begun to question your integrity, I take you inn as she smirks, you are bunkers and you are not my Cas. What have you done to him? The Angel that became God is no longer in this room, it has been replaced by a puppet that does not know which side he is fighting. Dean looks as annoyed as I am, and at this point I would like to shake the real Castiel out of you, but not before I choke her to death with the honey you are offering.  
I though I have lost you for good, and by standing on that room I realized how right I was, my Castiel is long gone. Even if you do come back, am no longer your interest, the tension is there to remind me, the little window I had with you is now closed and is all back to Dean Winchester. There is no point on staying longer, my part is over and I go back to being the evil on the equation. Maybe one day... Who am I kidding it will never happen.

Love you like I do


	9. Letter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final letter.

To the Angel,

You are cute and all kitten, but I don’t wanna hurt you… 

And by I don’t wanna hurt you I meant “I won’t let you hurt me again.”

Crowley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you.

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: Thank you again for reading any mistakes are mine please do not blame the King, the Angst on the other hand is completely his. your input is very appreciated.


End file.
